So few are the days that remain, and it saddens me so. There is a great fear, a dread inside of me of what is to come, of going home. Of leaving here. Leaving all the people here. Leaving all I do here. Leaving that warmth and security. Leaving and perhaps not coming back. Leaving the intimacy. The knowledge that I am wanted and desired and missed. Leaving everything behind. I dread this. To go home. Why is it so dreadful? Because of my fears of loneliness? Because I've lived in loneliness most of my life? Where will I get my support? Where will I find people who want to be with me, who love to be with me? Who "like me"? Who listen to me and value me and my words? Who give me hugs? Who embrace me? Where? What with all the limits and boundaries?
I will miss you. But not you. What you've given me and what I've taken. That I will miss. But you. Your persons. Your inward selves. Will I miss those? Will I miss all the difficulties I had dealing with you? Will I miss all the complications?
I will miss you. So much. I cry now, because I won't be able to see you again. I won't have that pleasure or displeasure. Do I even know you? What are you to me? What do you mean to me?
I love you like I love the rain that pours in tiny drops on a spring evening as I walk amidst the grassy meadows of my beloved land.
Why must we always part from those we love? Why is our emotion frowned upon? Why are our tears rejected? Have I loved you truly? Have I set you free? Have I bound you to me? Have I striven to see you as you are? To hear you? To accept you? To help you? To enjoy you? Have I let you be free to come and go as you please? Have I tied you up and thrown you in a maze? Have I maltreated you? Abused you? Used you? Refused you? Have I put upon you a weight of burdens too heavy to bear? Have I forced you? Manipulated you? Made you feel guilty? Rejected? Undesired? Difficult? What if you were? What if I have done all this? Have I loved you truly?
I will miss you. But not you. What you've given me and what I've taken. That I will miss. But you. Your persons. Your inward selves. Will I miss those? Will I miss all the difficulties I had dealing with you? Will I miss all the complications?
I will miss you. So much. I cry now, because I won't be able to see you again. I won't have that pleasure or displeasure. Do I even know you? What are you to me? What do you mean to me?
I love you like I love the rain that pours in tiny drops on a spring evening as I walk amidst the grassy meadows of my beloved land.
Why must we always part from those we love? Why is our emotion frowned upon? Why are our tears rejected? Have I loved you truly? Have I set you free? Have I bound you to me? Have I striven to see you as you are? To hear you? To accept you? To help you? To enjoy you? Have I let you be free to come and go as you please? Have I tied you up and thrown you in a maze? Have I maltreated you? Abused you? Used you? Refused you? Have I put upon you a weight of burdens too heavy to bear? Have I forced you? Manipulated you? Made you feel guilty? Rejected? Undesired? Difficult? What if you were? What if I have done all this? Have I loved you truly?
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